HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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