Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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