I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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