Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
