You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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