She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
