I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
