yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
