the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize