Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
