Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
