So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone came in the potted fern
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
