the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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