I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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