so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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