Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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