That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
