Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
