im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Couch. On fire.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
