I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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