I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
