Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
