Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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