If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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