To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
