my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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