Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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