guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize