dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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