maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
