I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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