There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
