I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
