I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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