is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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