My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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