It's Friday. Sex?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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