my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do herpes really smell.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
