Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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