She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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