i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
