you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
