We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
