everyone is single if you try hard enough
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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