I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
