So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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