I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
