We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
