It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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