Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
