just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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