yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
