John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
