Pappa wants mamma naked
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
