sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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