My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
