So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
