i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
