I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
