do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
