Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
