His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
