No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
