i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
