Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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