somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
