I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
