why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We are all done wearing pants today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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