I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
