I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
