Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
