Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
