this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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