Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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