Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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