I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
