the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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