She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
